Someone called me a stinky-head the other day.
Seriously? With a hard R?
Yeah.
Were they trying to be funny? Did they take a situation too far? Or ...
No. They were serious.
It hurt my feelings.
Yeah. I get it. How annoying.
Annoying? How so?
Listen, since you mentioned that it hurt, there's something important you need to understand.
Ready for the rant?
I'm listening.
When someone speaks, they displace the air in ripples, similar to what happens when a pond is disturbed by a tossed stone. Our ears are well suited to detect these wave ripples, which are just the differences in air pressure. The sound enters our ears, vibrates the ear drum, which then oscillate 3 tiny bones, then finally vibrates a labyrinth structure filled with fluid called the Cochlea. Within the Cochlea, there are bundles of hair cells that dance with the waves of the fluid. Their job is to turn the dance into electrical signals. In the case of a familiar spoken language, your brain automatically decodes and translates the signal into a native format before sending it to the brain to notify you, the pilot of the meat machine, of the event.
This process is typically painless.
What you do from that point is completely under your control.
Are you saying I chose to be offended?
Yes.
Let me ask you something. When you get a notification on your phone, do you immediately check it out, or do you wait until you care to give it your attention? And when you do see the notification, do you have to respond? Sure; it depends on who it comes from, but you probably have a different protocol for messages from a loved one vs an email asking for your opinion. just as you have a choice in how you respond to notifications from your phone, you also have a choice in how you respond to what you hear.
Why should I change my behavior?
They're in the wrong.
They know it's hurtful.
Exactly. They were trying to hurt you, and you allowed it to happen.
Pardon my direct approach, but in $current_year if you're still bothered by that particular pattern of sound waves, allow me to be the first to tell you to grow the fuck up. You have more important things to worry about. Yes, I am well aware of its etymology, but where is it written and on what dead man's authority are we required to be negatively affected? Is your inner peace not your responsibility?
Hear me out. How would you feel if you didn't know it was offensive?
Let me share with you a quick story. Sometime in the second grade, during lunchtime, I remember sitting at one of the tables in the cafeteria. At some point, the child across from me called over an authority and said that I called him a cracker. He lied. The authority scolded me and, I, of course, panicked, looked around the table, and said that he called me an Oreo first. I also lied. In my mind, I was being yelled at for calling him some sort of snack, so I took the hit and tried to balance the equation. My failed attempt resulted only in further scolding. I don't remember what happened after that.
I mention it because at that moment in my life, as a child, I didn't know "cracker" was a derogatory term for white people. Furthermore, I also didn't even know the word "nigger". Eventually, I would discover them, but my point lies in the fact that I can point to a time in my life where racial slurs simply didn't exist. In that scenario, I didn't have the tools to properly defend myself because I lacked even the slightest understanding of what actually took place.
Naturally, as I grew older, I eventually discovered them and also that I should be hurt and even angered by it. I followed the script unquestionably just as you have.
So to reiterate. If we are required to be offended by the word "nigger", where it is written? If it is actually written somewhere, who made the decree? If such a man exists, are they still alive, and if so, what responsibility do they have towards us that would necessitate our submission to their authority?
That's certainly an interesting perspective, but most people don't think that way.
Yeah, but they used to. We all knew even as children that taking offense to what others say is a choice. It was literally child's play. Remember?
I'm rubber; you're glue. What you say bounces from me and sticks to you.
We were impervious. Somewhere along the way, we forgot.
I like to entertain the idea that the people who rule over us prefer the masses to be in a perpetual infantilized state. It makes us easier to control. To illustrate my point, look at how much harder it is to command and control a fully grown wolf vs a domesticated dog? It's dangerous to even make an attempt. Our dogs are permanently genetically locked into the childlike state of their ancestors.
We make them play fetch and they love it. Or rather, they respond how we want and appear enthused to the degree that would ensure their survival long enough to breed. We allow them to breed to do our bidding.
I'm not seeing the connection.
Our masters fear us, and just as we humans have made monsters our bitch, the rich and powerful make every advance to weaken the general population. This is just one example applied to just one segment.
Understand that every demographic has a derogatory term. Just go to urbandictionary.com and pick your favorite. Most people waste far too much Money, Energy, Attention, and Time (MEAT) playing fetch over sound waves; diverting their resources away from matters such as leaving a better world to the next generation and every task along the way.
Our environment has incredibly large and complex problems that need solutions. And some of those solutions require the peaceful removal of unqualified people from positions of power. They know they're ill-suited for their roles, so they benefit from the zeitgeist that keeps us distracted and they in place. We cannot make progress toward a better world unless each individual understands and practices the philosophy.
That's one hell of a pet theory, don't you think?
Hmm. Perhaps.
Let's zoom back in for a bit.
Sun Tzu's "The Art of War" states the following:
If you know the enemy and know yourself, you need not fear the result of a hundred battles.
If you're so easily manipulated by something so trivial as the differences in air pressure, then you're a liability in any given situation. Whether you're on a team, or if you're the leader; the people you are responsible for and those who care about you are reliant on your strength to push the mission forward. And just to be clear, the mission can be anything from shipping software, delivering a package, or simply getting your child to school on time. If you are responsible for anything outside yourself, then this is an important component to have within you. Otherwise, you're just inhibiting the pursuit of the objective.
Don't allow your competitors to count on you to get in your own way.
Then what do you suggest I do? Nothing?
Ideally, yes. The less you do in response, the better.
I've got a friend named Sophia. Sometime at the beginning of our friendship, she stated as matter of fact that she simply does not get offended.
The goal is to be like Sophia.
Reconnect with the understanding you toyed with as a child.
Be impervious.
Nothing bothers Sophia because she knows not to judge it so. She has trained her mind to expand the moment that separates the audio stimulus and her response. Enabling her the opportunity to direct the next course of action. With that, she chooses not to cry to the nearest authority nor rally a collective to her aid for matters she considers silly. She instead allows the words to fall flat. This is because she too has responsibilities within her environment and chooses not to make others divert their energy away from their respective tasks unless absolutely required. She recognizes that her peers, subordinates, and superiors have a mission that is more important than her feelings. In her practice, she eventually arrived at the conclusion that it's best to simply not get offended.
So to answer your question; Yes. Do nothing.
Give them nothing.
I am not convinced that that's something I can do. Especially in the throes of a heated discussion.
Yet. It is not something you can do yet. I'll admit, it took a bit of time to master, and the hardest part of it all is remembering.
Remember that fire needs oxygen to burn. It suffocates on ambition without it.
So, the next time someone calls you a stinky-head, be unmoved and ignore them as you would and impudent child.
Don't play fetch. It's just sound waves.
Hmm. I'll try it out. Thanks.
No problem. I hope it helps.
Be sure to share this link with whomever you think needs it.
What?
Nothing. Take care.